We all agree there must be chemistry for a romantic relationship to work, however, does the fantasy of a “ perfect partner” outweigh the reality of being loved? I ask you this, are you still operating from the perspective of a 16-year-old or are you ready to date like a grown-up and toss aside the rigid criteria so you can meet a quality partner? If you have a list, maybe it’s time you decide whether or not it’s serving you well, or holding you back.
Below are a few common examples that could be stopping you from finding “the one”.
Focusing on the Exterior
Perfect people aren’t real, and real people aren’t perfect.
As I stated earlier, there must be chemistry, however, there is more to a person than his or her exterior.
If your main concern is whether the person is a 10, and you don’t consider the interior, i.e. heart and mind, chances are you will be disappointed in the relationship down the road.
My mother use to say, “Everyone gets old, wrinkles come, and beauty fades. It’s the quality of the person that matters most.” Their level of attraction should not and does not validate your worth.
There seems to be a common theme emerging in the matchmaking/date coaching industry. Men and women alike are seeking younger partners.
It seems a large segment of the population is convinced just because they “feel” younger than their age, they can be perceived as being younger.
While I understand that thinking, it doesn’t matter how old you feel, if you are 55, you are 55; and you will only be getting older. I would strongly encourage you to embrace the idea that a partner closer to your age will have more to offer you, versus someone 10 years your junior. A contemporary is more likely to understand you and your life experience. There will be a familiarity that will make the relationship richer and slightly easier.
Weight and Height
This is the granddaddy of them all. Typically it’s weight for men and height for women. My famous quotes are: “ a man’s height is not a measure of his masculinity” and “ a woman’s dress size is not a refection of her femininity.”
I’ve worked with more singles, men and women, who have ended up in a long term committed relationship with a match who is not their “type”.
This is where I’ll ask you to be open, and give a little leeway to your deal breakers. You don’t want to passion your soul mate because the person doesn’t fit the description of what you think he/she should look like.
In the end, I hope this made you think. Sometimes people confuse wants with values. Going forward perhaps you can focus more on your value system. Studies show when couples have shared values the relationship is richer and has longevity.