When I began the dating process many years ago, like you I was struggling to meet a quality partner. My entire dating experience was nothing more than a painful, defeating disaster. Sure, my life was in order, I was starting a career that I loved, but I found myself obsessing about my failed love life. I would watch as the people around me were finding their partners easily and there I was sitting on the sidelines in pain wishing it was me. Over time I grew depressed and began to question my worth; even worse I began to feel there was something inherently wrong with me. I went through several different phases including the very angry “Take me as I am” or “I don’t need a man” to the “ I’ll take anyone I can get” and ending in the dreaded “Clearly there is something wrong and I’m not worthy of being loved”.
Going on dates was painful, negative emotions began to spill over affecting my mindset leading me to make poor choices. It was all spinning out of control as I continued to attract men who were not a match. Intuitively and viscerally, I would feel the men sitting across from me were not a good fit. There was nothing familiar or comfortable about them, making me question my judgment. I couldn’t figure out why I kept meeting and attracting men who were not what I was looking for; they did not share my goals, values, or vision for a healthy and long-lasting relationship. After enduring the pain of one failed relationship after another I recognized that I needed to make a change. From my mindset to my appearance, I knew that if I was going to attract the man of my dreams, I had to create a shift.
So in a bold move, I made a decision; I was going to put my love life first, making it a priority above all else. That is when I became my own Dating Coach… I took a step back and assessed my situation and myself. I took note of what I was looking for in a husband, father of my children, and lover. I made conscious changes to my appearance to ensure I could attract the right person and be ready when I met him. Every time I entered into a social situation I made sure to present the best version of myself. I networked, recruited friends to help, and did all that I could to find my perfect match.
But that wasn’t all; I realized the change needed to go deeper. After all, I was the common denominator in all of my relationships. Through personal exploration and the utilization of my social work skills, I was able to identify the different unhealthy behaviors I was not only engaging in but was accepting! I realized I wasn’t setting limits or boundaries, and I was turning a blind eye making one excuse after another when it came to bad behavior. I uncovered that my expectations were unrealistic and my communication was not as effective as I had once perceived.
Within a year of starting my journey, all my hard work paid off. There was a huge positive shift to my mindset positively impacting my dating outcome. That’s when I met and began dating the man who would become my husband. Intuitively, viscerally and immediately, I knew he was the right one. He was familiar and our shared life experiences made our relationship rich and rewarding! Fast forward 28 years and 3 kids later Vincent and I are still madly in love. I cannot imagine being married to anyone else, because he is my perfect match as well as the best friend I have ever had. When the opportunity to help others find their perfect match was presented to me in 2005 I jumped at it. I understand first hand the desire to find that special someone. Today I use the same system for my clients that I personally used to help me find the love of my life!