It’s a little sneaky of me, but I hope I’ve caught your attention. Truth be told, I would never expect you or anyone else seeking a committed relationship not to be monogamous, over time, with the right person. But the first step to monogamy is dating, and I mean dating more than one person at a time.
Now, it doesn’t escape me that it’s so much easier to just find someone who appears to be on the same page, stake your claim and be done with dating. But honestly, it’s just not effective and from my experience as a relationship expert, most have to reset and head back out into the dating world.
My philosophy (and dating plan) is to do it right the first time so you don’t have to reset and go through the dating process all over again six, eight, or 10 months later. If you create an urgency to find a monogamous relationship, it can leave you disappointed and frustrated. You could also end up in a relationship that is unfulfilling or unhealthy. When you look to jump right back into a monogamous relationship this is where you run the risk of “settling”. Dating should be and can be fun…honestly! For one, many of my clients have reported that when they date more than one person at a time, it increases the feeling of being desirable, something many of them have not felt in a long time.
Another thing I’ve heard from clients is there is less disappointment if it doesn’t work out with one, because there is someone else who is courting them and interested in investing in them. Now clearly, I am not suggesting you should be sexually intimate with all those you are dating, and YES whomever you are dating will wait. Believe me on this, I’ve been in the matchmaking/date coaching industry for over 13 years and have never been proven wrong regarding this. The right person will and does wait. While societal norms dictate we should be monogamous in our relationships, don’t let this rule your decision making process. Take a leap, step out of your comfort zone, and embrace the fact that the only way you create monogamy is by getting to know someone over time.
And keep in mind this won’t go on forever. It’s a process, one that is a means to an end. There’s no need to tell everyone you’re dating, that you’re dating other people. Being very direct is not necessary. While I am all about honesty and transparency, (especially in a committed relationship) this isn’t something that you have to voluntarily disclose. While it might feel disingenuous, remember, you are on a mission to find a partner, the right partner, and that means dating until you find the right one. Then you can talk of exclusivity and monogamy. The time will be right and so will your partner.