Articles By Julianne Want More Sex? 5 Secrets to Guarantee Your Pleasure

You might be wondering why I would want to ensure your sexual success. Well, it’s pretty simple. It’s my business. Now, don’t get all excited. I’m not a sex surrogate or sex therapist; I am a relationship expert. I am also a woman, and I know first hand what it takes to make a woman want to have sex with you often, freely and without inhibitions. I have worked with countless men over the years and counseled them on this exact topic. My theories have been put to the test and have proven sound. I am not going to sugar coat it, so if you are ready, read on and uncover the “secrets” that will help you… have more sex!

1) Commit to her: Oh, BOY! There it is. I used the word commit as in commitment. So here’s the deal: women like sex, they desire sex and they want sex with you. For women, a byproduct of sex is intimacy, something all women crave. They just prefer it within the confines of a loving, committed relationship. A woman feels liberated when you commit to her, she feels freer sexually and emotionally. Trust is established and she feels less insecure, less inhibited. The more secure she feels, the more willing she is to get “jiggy” with you in the bedroom… and often. On the other hand, when a woman is left guessing your intentions she feels vulnerable. And if she is feeling vulnerable, she is not going to place herself in an even more vulnerable position by becoming sexually intimate with you.

Fun fact: According to a study done by the University of Indiana in 2010, 61 percent of singles participating in the study reported that they had not had sex within the past year, while couples were having sex at a rate of 2 to 3 times a week!

2) Build her trust: If a woman doesn’t trust you, she is not going to want to have sex with you, plain and simple. Women need to feel a strong sense of trust if they are going to be adventurous in the bedroom. It goes back to that vulnerability point I mentioned earlier. They need to feel safe being with you, confiding in you and letting you into their heart.

As long as you make every effort to send the message she is important to you, you will have no trouble building trust. Examples of this are: 1) be truthful; in other words, don’t lie. 2) be consistent: if you say you will call at 7pm, you better call at 7pm unless there was some major catastrophe or something… like you’re dead (only kidding). 3) be supportive, letting her know her happiness is important to you. 4) reassure her that she’s your number one priority. (If you have children, she will get they come first.)

I could go on, but these four points are crucial first steps to building trust. And once trust is established? Yes, you’ll get more sex, freely and with wild abandon.

3) Woo her: Romance opens her heart and it will open her legs. (I only speak the truth.) Contrary to popular belief, romance does not have to come in the form of a grandiose gesture. It can be something quite simple. I know, you might find it surprising that doing something understated and thoughtful every now and then is far more romantic to a woman than any expensive trinket you might bring home, but it’s true. (Remember, I am a woman and I’ve been happily married for more than 16 years!)

So you might be wondering what romance looks like to a woman. Well, here’s an example: the next time she sends you on an errand to pick something up at the supermarket, buy her some flowers. Every supermarket in the tri-state area carries flowers. If you can’t remember her favorite flower, pick a bouquet of roses and when you get home whisper to her “you know, roses mean love, and I thought of you when I saw them.”

OH! Score one for the team! Unless she’s a droid, she’s gonna giggle like a schoolgirl and you can be sure you’ll be getting some tonight! The takeaway here is: it’s the small, thoughtful gestures that show you are thinking of her and nothing pleases a woman more than knowing you are thinking of her.

4) Compliment her: It’s very simple, takes only a few seconds and it will guarantee you points in the bank for nookie. You must make sure the compliment is honest, as this will make the delivery more effective. Keep this important point in mind: a woman always wants to feel like she is the most captivating woman in the world…to you. It can take less than a minute a day to make her feel as if she is the most wonderful, ravishing woman in the world, but once you do, you will have her in the palm of your hand.

No, I am not being a traitor to my gender; what I am trying to do is impart information that will help strengthen your bond. And when your bond is strengthened the natural outgrowth will be that you will have more sex. Clearly, I like to give examples, so here is an example of how to give a compliment. It’s a little more complex than you might think, so pay attention. You might think “I love that top” is a good compliment. No. No. No. That’s not a compliment. Here’s what you should say: “that top looks amazing on you.” And there you go. It took about three seconds to say it and you just made her feel special, loved, cherished and as if she is the most beautiful woman in the world… to you.

5) Communicate with her: Sexual intimacy begins outside of the bedroom for women. A large component of growing that intimacy is based on how well the two of you communicate. If a woman feels that emotional communication is not a priority to you, then she will feel less connected to you. If you want to ensure more sexual intimacy in the bedroom, invest in emotional intimacy outside of the bedroom by communicating. Most importantly, a woman needs to feel listened to and validated. Ugh, am I showing my clinical side? Well it’s true. Good communication validates a woman. And when a woman feels validated it boosts her confidence and her libido. With that increased confidence in your relationship you will experience a rise in her desire for sex…with you.

There is a reason that women prefer the term “making love” when referring to sex. The bottom line is that a woman will be more likely to open up to you sexually if she feels cherished and loved. The secrets that I have shared with you will help you get more sex, but only if done with genuineness and regularity. And as a bonus, it will also help you grow a more cohesive, intimate relationship. In the end be sure to remember sexual intimacy starts outside of the bedroom for a woman. That’s just how it goes. The closer she feels to you, the more sex you will have.

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Julianne Cantarella

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Single and looking to change your relationship status? You are in the right place!  From my professional education as a therapist to my own personal relationship, I know the components needed to create a fulfilling successful relationship.

If you are ready to make your love life a priority and meet your perfect mate, Julianne Cantarella is the Premiere Dating Coach in New Jersey, New York, Connecticut, and Pennsylvania.


Copyright 2024 Julianne Cantarella. All rights reserved.

Copyright 2024 Julianne Cantarella. All rights reserved.