Self-limiting beliefs? What the? I know, it sounds like psycho babble and yes, it is, but as a relationship expert and former therapist, this is a very real phenomenon that I encounter with both my male and female clients. I have observed self-limiting beliefs undermine one’s ability to make and sustain loving, committed and intimate relationships. Our self-limiting beliefs can be rooted in the experiences and messages we received in early childhood. In today’s world, these influences also go beyond our social connections and family. We now have the ever-present outside influences from the media and social media that can affect our selfworth and self-esteem.
Perhaps you didn’t realize you had self-limiting beliefs and the profound impact those self-limiting beliefs have been having on your relationships. Perhaps your self-limiting belief is different than the ones I am about to discuss. Identify the belief that is holding you back and replace it with an empowering belief. As I always say, awareness is key. Reframing and extinguishing negative thoughts and beliefs will help you move forward and create the relationships you desire and deserve.
Have you ever found yourself thinking any of the following:
1. I am not worthy
Many of life’s experiences help shape who we are and how we view ourselves. Somewhere along the line, you might have received the message that you were not worthy of love and unconsciously cultivated the belief that you are not worthy of being loved.
Replace It With: I am WORTHY of being LOVED!
You deserve all the richness that a loving and committed relationship can bring. You are worthy of respect. Believe that you are worthy of being cherished.
2. I am not _________ enough
Go ahead and fill in the blank. I am not attractive enough, tall enough, rich enough, smart enough or successful enough. I am sure I could go on and on. These are just a few of the self-limiting beliefs I have heard from my clients over the years. I often say, “Words become flesh.” If you say something often enough, you will believe it.
Replace It With: I AM ENOUGH!
Embrace the notion that you are enough and have much to offer in a loving and healthy relationship. The “right one” will accept you for who you are and see all the wonderful things that you have to offer. I can assure you that you are enough!
3. It’s too late for love
Perhaps you believe that ship has sailed. You think along the lines of: “I am too old to be loved. I haven’t found anyone yet; there is no one out there for me! I am just not lovable.”
Replace It With: It’s not too late for me to be LOVED!
Trust me! It’s NEVER too late for love! I have worked with clients as mature as 75 who are divorced, widowed or never married, and they found love. No matter what your situation, if you want love, you can find love. If you keep expectations realistic, I see no reason why you can’t find happiness wrapped up in a committed relationship.
4. If it is meant to be, it will happen
I know there is this notion that fate and destiny go hand in hand with love, but I am going to tell you that’s just not true. Would you take that approach to finding a job? I am sure you wouldn’t. Then why would you take that approach when it comes to something as meaningful as finding love?
Replace It With: I will make love happen!
Make your love life a priority. I help my clients create a strategic plan to find a quality partner and I suggest you do the same. If it’s an important goal in your life to share yourself with another, you have the power to make it happen!